Sometimes, Life is Like a Movie

So, there I am, talking about my "conflicted" life on Facebook and on Instagram with a photo revealing that I am reading both the Bible and a raunchy s & m fiction book simultaneously. Well, here's another little scene to paint a picture of my character:

It is noon. I've decided to tan in my skimpy-ish little animal-print bikini. Push-up top with thin straps, bottoms with little pink ties. I lay on the grass and opt for my sultry and "sinful" reading. After having had a few much-too-revealing conversations with my grandfather, picking up the book in such little clothing feels...a little strange. But I go for it. This is me. Age 26, sexy, in shape, tan building steadily like it never has before. And moreover. sex deprived--for two whole months!

I lay basking gloriously when my grandfather comes out on the porch. "Have the sprinklers sprunkled?" he asks. The ones that wet the mulch have been on throughout the entire duration of my bronzing, so I answer yes, as water from the nearest contraption gently trickles down my ankles, barely there. He nods and explains that he will be downstairs watching a movie if I'd like to join, and in response, I inform him that I'll be down in about 30 minutes, returning to my dirty erotica.

About two minutes later, I wonder how the grass stays green in this ninety-something-degree heat, if the sprinklers only reach the mulch.

And as if on cue, the real sprinklers turn on. COLD! Fifty-something-degrees of cold--rather ironic since I'm reading Fifty Shades of Grey--showering atop my baking body!

I rise up quickly in reflex, forgetting that my top has been unfastened, and my bottoms have been wedged in my ass crack for maximum sun exposure. As I spring forward, my breasts become exposed. I try to remedy the situation while simultaneously realizing that this act, without re-fastening, will be unsuccessful. I give up and, instead, reach for my towel to cover my breasts, but I'm standing on it and nearly catapult my own body straight into the ground. I jump off, gather my belongings, grasping them to my chest in a grip that I am positive has me looking as if I suffer from cerebral palsy, and run, wedgie-assed and topless onto the porch, yelling repeatedly "shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT!"

Here I am, "sinful" smut reader in "god's country", running around topless in the sprinklers.

I suppose I can honestly say that this book really has got me wet!

ba-dum chhhhh!