No Offense

No Offense, but

You look really tired today. Or sick or something. Yeah, you know, you’ve got these dark circles under your eyes. I mean, they’re kind of there all the time but today they’re especially dark and you just look like you could really use some rest or something, you poor thing. Here, I’ll get you some coffee.

No Offense, but

You might want to wear a bra with those kinds of shirts. I mean, it makes all the other girls a little uncomfortable because sometimes your nipples poke out or you can see how dark and big your areolas are because the shirt you’re wearing is so thin and white. I mean, we all are totally envious. We all wish that we could have perky little breasts like yours. We’re all like ‘I’m so jealous of that little bitch, she’s so cute and stuff’. I wish all the guys looked at my breasts like that at work, you know? It’s okay, though, I mean it’s really not a big deal. No, no, don’t be embarrassed…………do you want to wear my sweatshirt?

No Offense, but

Have you gained some weight? I could have sworn that you wore those very jeans last month and they were a smidgen baggy. I could tell from how they hung on your butt a little bit (not that I was looking, though, because you hardly have one at all). But now they’re, like, tight. I mean TIGHT. Like, they’re crawling up your butt crack and I think you have a little camel toe going on. You still look good though! I mean, you’re beautiful no matter what weight you’re at, I could just tell is all. Cause normally you’ve got that anorexic your-head-is-too-big-for-your-body thing going on. Maybe it’s kinda’ good you have a muffin top!

No Offense, but

I do’nt really get what your saying here in this S.A. Its a little jumpy here and I don’t like this word as much as I like those other ones. I mean why do you need to use such big words. I don’t no, maybe it’s just me but it makes people feel stupid. But then over here you using too simple of egg samples and it’s about the writing level of a fifth grader. And you’re opinions come acrosst much to strongly. Mine are better. Yours make you seem superficial and like you’re a racist. Just try to tone it down a little bit, maybe. Put a little espanish in here. Or ybonics. I think that could make this a lot stronger.

No Offense, but

I think it’s pointless to say ‘no offense’ before such a rude statement filled with such vague and broad generalities. Nobody likes how that makes them feel and everybody hates when it is done. I’m not tired and I’m not sick, in fact I am over-rested and I thought my makeup looked excellent and I felt radiant. But thanks for the concern. And I am wearing a bra. It’s flesh toned, has an underwire and is a push up with padding. But I’m glad to know you think my breasts are saggy despite the $5000 I paid for my breast lift about 6 months ago. But I guess my breasts match my pants….or at least they used to. It’s not called a muffin top, it’s called expecting. I haven’t told anybody yet but I guess the secret’s out now! I hope you’ll throw me my baby shower and let me know how obese I look when I’m two weeks over due. That would be just swell. And I appreciate the critique. I think you totally got what I was saying in my college level research paper on how speaking one language at home and then taking English classes in school can cause a huge disability in how people give and receive communication cross-culturally. I definitely see how adding (e)Spanish or Ebonics could totally prove my point. I think I’ll keep it the same, though. No offense.