Until this jackass from my film class comes in. I can't stand the jerk. And I am not a name caller (unless of course I am driving and in a hurry to get someplace that I want to be, then every other person driving safely at the speed limit is a bad word) but this guy really brings out the worst in me and I hate it.
The guy either has a disorder and has no filter or he's just a douchebag, ok?
So, I am in class, feeling spiffy. I have new people sitting next to me. I am, however, tired from studying until the wee hours of the morning and waking up just a couple of those hours later to get to class for an exam.
And in walks "rude boy" as I refer to him. (No, really, I do.... ask my friends). He strolls up and sits in the chair next to me. And then rolls it behind me to talk to the guy on the other side. Banter is had where a line that I had in this fun little project comes up and is laughed at and repeated. I don't mind, I enjoy making people laugh and this had been the purpose of the line. It's great, it's memorable and that is what an actor of any level wants: someone to get their communication.
But then they get into actual conversation and I ask, in legitimate kind consideration, if he wants to switch seats with me so he can speak to this guy to my right. And rude boy says no and makes some snide remark about how he thinks he'll just stay behind me because I enjoy it so much. He follows this up with "Besides, you love being the center of attention, don't you"?
I'm not a rude girl, so I kind of smile despite what is really going on in my mind "you cheeky little fucker........." and so on.
Eventually he rolls to his actual seat and then he looks at me and says--pronouncing my name incorrectly--"Hey Mar iss suh your eyes are red"
"Huh" I ask, just wishing I hadn't heard him right.
"Oh, I said your eyes are red"
"I'm sure they are."
"Yea... they are.... need some sleep or something?" he asks with this big freaking grin on his face because he knows what he's doing. He's 17 years old and he acts like it, for sure. He is also evil. No question about it.
So, I'm grinning out of that I'm-so-angry-that-I-am-not-displaying-the-right-emotions reflex and I say "Yeah, actually I do".
There is a long pause and then he says "And you aren't even going to look in a mirror or anything to fix it huh? Cause you're the feminist girl who doesn't want to be like all the other girls who check themselves out in the windows and get to a mirror as quick as they can when a guy tells them their eyes are red."
Little fucker!
"Nope", I say.
"You really don't care what you look like, huh? That's cool".
And the rude boy surfs the internet during class, checking out a whole lot of women's photos on Facebook, watching himself on the computer's webcam making faces at himself when the teacher is directly in front of him. And while I fume.
Rude.
Of course I care how I look and up until that point I felt sexy and confident and I knew that allowing myself to even be bothered by his behavior was going to get me in trouble and bring me down, but I allowed it, sadly.
And I ended up drawing his little post-it note portrait of "myself" tonight when I arrived home. All the 'worst' parts of my physical body that I most want to work on. And I take a photo with my iPhone to make it look cool, and I show it to my mother and she gasps.
She thinks it's beautiful. She thinks it's actually her and not me at all. She tells me she wants to frame it "no, really" she says. And she doesn't blow smoke up people's asses.
I still don't feel thin, like I did this morning, but I do feel beautiful again.
Thanks to my mom.
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