“There is a man-made concept called lack. It does not exist. Some of us may feel lack, but it is a false perception. There is no such thing as lack. Our lives are overwhelmingly abundant.”
My favorite yoga instructor has said this in two separate sessions that I have attended. Usually it comes just at the moment that I’m stretching myself so that my body is screaming at me to stop; that it’s going to break if I push it any further, and I am feeling just that: lack. A lack in ability to cope with discomfort, both physically and emotionally. Once, just when I was thinking this, that same instructor said “It is okay to be uncomfortable,” and it was such a mind-blowing concept that it brought me to tears. Perhaps it was the fact that my hip was aching and pulling at where it attaches on my pelvic bone that also helped to bring about those little tiny droplets of salt water from my eyes. None-the-less it was a very prominent moment in my present-day life. I keep replaying it.
To realize that life isn’t always beautiful and easy and comfortable was one thing. However, coupled with the idea that there is no such thing as lack, the concept becomes completely different! That, for me, was a moment of epiphany, which sounded something like this in my mind:
To be alone…….isn’t……lack!?
Essentially, I realized that the only person creating an emptiness in my life is myself. I questioned myself about what is missing. Friends? No, I’ve had them, I just haven’t reached out (and to my astonishment, they’re all still right there—even new ones—when I’ve come crying to them recently). A social life? No, because I can create one with those friends as long as I do reach out. Money? To an extent, but only because I make the decision every day to go to school and work minimally, providing for excellent grades and ample time for what I consider to be, actually, a rather good balance in my life. Love? I’m missing a lover--missing in more than one sense of the word—but is there an actual lack of love in my life? No, I am also surrounded by that. Drenched in it, even!
The bottom line is that the only true lack is in confidence and acceptance of my self. I lost it, honestly, so many years ago, that I’m not sure where exactly I left it. I assume I probably left it in the apartment where I played into the role of the heart-broken ex-fiance who had the relationship terminated on her. You’re supposed to feel a deep lack when that happens, so I made sure I created a giant hole and then buried it up like so many love stories tells us is normal.
Truth is: there’s never been a lack in me. It’s all right here. I just have to have the courage to implement, daily, an appreciation for everything that I am, that I do, and that I have right in front of me. I need to re-discover life’s little pleasures as I used to when I was young(er).
It’s amazing what a park, some breathing, and a number of truly good souls can do!
I am thankful.
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