The card reminded me that I can only focus on my own happiness, and not on that of others. I looked down at my deep colorful patch bag that I got years ago, when I was in massage school or freshly out of it, observed the yoga mat inside of it and smiled. It occurred to me just how much I like my life, even if it is, at times, uncomfortable.
I'm not sure why it is so easy for me to abandon something that I feel this strongly about time after time after time. For me to be inspired and motivated enough to get up earlier than I usually enjoy waking just to be sure that I am productive and am able to make it to a morning yoga class, is actually a pretty strong statement.
I love the experience of stretching my body and my soul. The moments that I am forced to have inner dialog with it, mastering myself with every thought that comes into mind. A negative thought comes in, I beat it down with breath and release it from my muscles and my brain. Sometimes it exits with a single salty tear from my eye and a quiver in my lip. Other times it leaves gently with my exhale. Others, with a heave and a struggle to let it go. I can feel my muscles holding that emotion back, thinking it needs it to be strong. What I really need is to let it go because it all makes me weak and heavy. When all I am is light.
The true essence of me is a spiritual, deep being, emotional and knowing.
And I know it's silly, but I am reminded of this every time that I look at my colorful bag hanging on my scarf ladder in my room. It hangs there with my yoga mat and my huge water bottle beckoning me to remember and re-embrace the happy, grounded, spiritual girl that I lost when I was 23 years old.
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